1.  Send a clear and specific message.

2.  Identify the problem -- and not the person.

3.  Consider the possibility that your behaviour might be part of the problem.

4.  Define the "gap":  what's happening now vs. what should be happening.

5.  Focus on the future vs. the past.

6.  Don't come across "too hard" or "too soft".

7.  Don't get stuck "telling" vs. "asking".

We can give more effective feedback if we follow 4 steps:

1.  Observe...and describe how you see the problem.

2.  Identify the impact...and your own possible contribution.

3.  Ask understand their reaction and situation.

4.  Discuss and agree...on specific behaviour changes.

An example...

1.  I've noticed that some people have been coming to team meetings late.

2.  I may not have stressed the importance of everyone being on time.  If some people come late, it's not really fair to those who are on time.  If everyone comes on time, it means we don't have to wait around.  We can get started as planned.  And we don't have to go into over-time--or reschedule another time to meet--so we can get through the agenda.

3.  Does everyone understand what I'm saying?...  Does this make sense to you?...Any other questions --or thoughts about this -- before our next meeting?....

4.  So it sounds like we agree that from now on everyone will be on time...

Good.  Thanks.

Read related article: WHAT'S WRONG WITH GETTING ANGRY!...

(c)  2011 Martha Dove and Associates